It's been awhile
by Arikel
Summary: A songfic about a moment in Luke and Mara's life by Staind


It's Been Awhile ****

It's Been Awhile  


Luke Skywalker sat in the darkness of his apartment on Coruscant. The lights reflecting off of the sprawling metropolis outside cast dancing shadows across his room and splayed pools of light and dark on his stone-etched face. It mirrored the conflict that was being waged within him. One between the Dark and the Light.

It's been awhile  
Since I could 

hold my head up high

There was still broken dishes on the kitchen floor and the overhead light was still swaying back and forth from where it had been shattered. There had only been once in his life that Luke had seen his wife that angry.

It's been awhile  
Since I first saw you

It was the same argument they had been fighting for years now. He was drawing heavily upon the Force. Pushing himself to the limit to save the galaxy and relying solely upon the Force to help him. He had been taxing himself, pushing himself one step further than he could manage, desperately shoving people away from the abyss of which he was precariously balanced on.

It's been awhile  
Since I could stand

on my own two feet again

And through this all, his connection with Mara through their bond had begun to suffer. He returned home each night; weary, gaunt, devoid of the flame that once burned behind the windows of his soul. Through this all, Mara had watched him with growing concern, growing agitated at his continuing to push her away from him, keeping her at arms length. Slowly their bond in the Force was weakening, as if this dying connection was heralding the development of their relationship.

It's been awhile  
Since I could call you

But everything I can't remember 

as fucked up as it all may seem 

the consequences that I've rendered 

I've stretched myself beyond my means

The ability to use the Force, the power that it granted him was intoxicating. It was much like falling in love. Knowing that he had a power over that special someone, and in return she had power over him. A mutual control that one could exert over the other, knowing that they would each do anything for the other. It's not a form of servitude, but rather the pinnacle of freedom. Knowing that just as he served the Force, as he served Mara; the Force served him, Mara served him. It was a feeling unlike any other. One that was exhilarating.

It's been awhile  
Since I could say 

that I wasn't addicted

It's been awhile  
Since I could say 

I love myself as well

It was this feeling that was tearing his life apart. As he was being pulled toward the power of the Force, he was being pushed away from his love. It was one that he had been blind to until Mara had finally snapped and ripped into him. It had been brutal, it had been building up for weeks. Maybe even years. He had been arrogant, he had been foolish, and he had been obsessed. He had dabbled in the Dark Side for too long and it had tainted everything he had done afterwards. It continued to plague him and drive him towards damnation. It continued to cause him to make great errors in judgment, causing his presumptuously fabricated life to crumble.

It's been awhile  
Since I've gone and fucked things up 

just like I always do

Now the bitterness had passed, the anger at her rebuking subsided. The blame did lie entirely on his shoulders. As the crest of this ill-natured wave began to recede, a crest of anguish threatened to drown him in his sorrows. The only thing he wanted to now was to have Mara back in his arms. To hold her again, to bury his face in her honey-red hair, to breathe her ambrosial fragrance, to be lost in her hearty presence in the Force, and to hear that everything will be all right.

It's been awhile  
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you

  
But everything I can't remember  
as fucked up as it all may seem  
The consequences that I've rendered,  
I've gone and fucked things up again.  
Why must I feel this way  
Just make this go away,  
Just one more peaceful day  
  
It's been awhile  
Since I could 

look at myself straight

It's been awhile  
Since I said I'm sorry

His eyes began to glisten as her presence continued to elude him in the Force. He longed to have her back again, to do anything to close this rift that had grew between them. He would give anything to have her back. Limb, life, the Force. She meant more to him than any of these things. She was the visage that he sought out in every crowd. The flickering light around which his life revolved. He once thought that love was like the attraction of a moth to that flame. It circles it and is fascinated by it. It is entranced by it and never wants to leave it. But if it gets to close, the moth gets burned, and dies. He realized now that he was wrong. The flame is an elixir, one that grants you everlasting life. It is salty sweet on your lips, and one that will remain with you forever.

It's been awhile  
Since I've seen the way  
the candles lights your face

It's been awhile  
But I can still remember just the way you taste

  
But everything I can't remember 

as fucked up as it all may seem 

to be I know it's me 

I cannot blame this on my father 

he did the best he could for me  
  
It's been awhile  
Since I could 

hold my head up high  
and it's been awhile 

since I said I'm sorry


End file.
